Picture this: you’ve been working all day, and suddenly you crave a milk tea, a little hit of happiness. Before, this simple desire among young Chinese might have been beaten down by the voices of their parents ringing in their ears, or the weight of societal norms.

“Too many calories!”
“You’ve relaxed enough today.”
“Don’t overindulge yourself.”

Recently, however, their inner dialogue might be much simpler.

“Ai ni laoji! Let’s go get one!”

The expression “ai ni laoji” — “love you, my dear self” — was first uttered near the end of 2025, and has since taken over Chinese social media, earning “GOATed” and “kindest meme of the year” accolades. It spawned media think pieces. Celebrities have used it, too.

In modern Chinese society, rapid urbanization and the one-child generation have become the social mainstream, reshaping how young people live. Moving away from once-close family and neighborhood networks, they now enjoy greater freedom of choice — but also face life on their own. Moments of loneliness or low spirits come with a sense that there is no one to lean on.

It is against this backdrop that ideas like “ai ni laoji” have gained popularity. This attitude encourages people to treat themselves as their most stable and dependable companion — to become their own emotional support. Laoji is a tongue-in-cheek way for Chinese social media users to refer to themselves like an old friend. As one popular saying puts it, “laoji is the only one who would spend 100 yuan ($14) on you without hesitation.”

What began as a joke has become something more serious: a deeply felt response by young people to a fast-changing, emotionally distant society, and a way of building inner order and offering themselves unwavering support.

The word laoji is a self-referential sleight of hand meant to make self-love feel more natural and straightforward, discarding the feelings of awkwardness and shame that Chinese people of older generations might experience when proclaiming they love themselves.

Though the idea of “treating yourself” in Chinese consumer culture predates the creation of “ai ni laoji,” it was often entangled with a more demanding subtext — that self-love had to be earned. If you wanted to treat yourself, you had better first finish the project, get a promotion, or reach your weight loss goals.

Buried deep beneath this meritocracy trap is a long-held model of “chi ku jiaoyu,” or “education through hardship,” that has brought up generations of Chinese. It is most accurately summarized by the Chinese expression: “The hardest of hardships makes the best of men.” At its core is a utilitarian belief that one’s restraint, endurance, and suffering in the moment will beget future success, happiness, and reward. Against the harsh light of this belief, any enjoyment and pleasure in the moment is met with stern inner condemnation, using words like “indulgence,” “depravity,” and “pride.”

The product of this model? Generations of Chinese who feel deeply that they are unworthy. Eating well is extravagant, relaxation is lazy, and achievements, even when hard-earned, are not enough and undeserved. Under a constant barrage of inadequacy, self-care has become a herculean feat, and happiness a stolen indulgence.

“Ai ni laoji” flips this script. A failed exam or a rejected proposal isn’t followed by self-deprecation like “I’m so useless” or “do I even have what it takes?” Regardless of your success, laoji still deserves compassion, is still worth that milk tea or hotpot, and is still allowed an afternoon of doing nothing.

“Ai ni laoji” is the desanctification of suffering and the destigmatization of happiness. It is the liberation of reasonable wants and respite from a sense of shame, coupled with a proclamation that “I am worth it.” It is the belief that happiness need not lie beyond a veil of suffering, but can be seized in the moment without guilt or shame. It helps this generation of young people reestablish a healthy relationship with their needs and emotions, and in doing so, rediscover their right to be self-assuredly and unapologetically happy.

The buzzword “ai ni laoji” is the current generation of young Chinese expressing their rejection and weariness of the myth of meritocracy. Faced with sobering realities like a competitive job market, stagnant wages, and high costs of living, they are beginning to realize that the “hardest of hardships” may not necessarily make “the best of men.”

This is aided by the kaleidoscope of values accessible online, further exposing the cracks in a singular path to success. Many are now questioning whether their value can truly be measured by KPIs and rankings alone, and whether happiness and peace must be earned by achieving the societal definition of success.

Through “ai ni laoji,” this current generation of young Chinese may be opening a window into their shifting mindset. Eschewing reliance on a singular source of external validation, they are now turning to a balance of the internal and the external voice, with particular emphasis on inner wellbeing through mental health improvement, emotional regulation, and harmony with oneself.

As young Chinese turn inward for the strength to love themselves, they are also expressing longing for a society that can love them — one with a more level playing field, more expansive opportunities, stronger emotional support systems, and values that celebrate success by their definition.

(Header image: Visuals from Malte Mueller/FStop/VCG, reedited by Sixth Tone)